Thursday, December 23, 2004

Detritus Humano

El caso de la neurocirujano cubana, la Dra. Hilda Molina, y su madre tristemente evoca la situación de hace varios años cuando una barcaza de basura de New York le dio la vuelta al mundo buscando quien la aceptara. Claramente, los gobiernos envueltos están tratando este caso como el anterior: como si se tratara de basura.

Primero el presidente Kirchner de la Argentina le pide a Castro que le otorgue permiso a las dos señoras (madre octogenaria; hija de 62 años) para que pasasen las Navidades con el hijo de la Dra. Molina, médico también a su vez, y su familia en dicho país sudamericano.

Pero Castro, en su arrogancia de siempre, negó la petición aunque venía directamente del jefe de estado de uno de los pocos países amigos que le quedan a Cuba. Como alternativa, ofreció que la familia argentina de la Dra. Molina viajase a Cuba, opción que justificadamente, la familia consideró inaceptable. Nada de extrañarse para aquellos que conocen como se comporta el tirano de Cuba, quien en paralelo dirige sus hordas a que pinten caricaturas ofensivas de un embajador extranjero frente a su sede en la Habana.

Kirchner se doblegó ante la actitud de Castro y en lugar de mantener su posición y demandar respeto a su petición de apoyo a uno de los inalienables derechos humanos – el de un ciudadano tener la libertad salir de cualquier país, inclusive el suyo propio, como estipulado en el artículo 13 de la Declaración Universal de los Derechos Humanos – ¡no!, prefirió destituir a su embajador en la Habana y al jefe de Gabinete de la Cancillería argentina. Un acto que tiene que causar vergüenza a los argentinos decentes y de buena voluntad.

Ahora el presidente argentino está tratando de pasarle “la papa caliente” a los españoles, intentando intermediar para que este país acoja a la familia Molina para su reunificación.

¿Seguirá Rodríguez Zapatero, Presidente del Gobierno español, los pasos de Kirchner y evitará enfrentarse a Castro?

Friday, December 17, 2004

Remembering Adrian Monk

To wash or not to wash (your hands)

Have you seen the Tivo commercial, the one where the New Year’s countdown at Times Square is stopped on 5, you hear the sound of a toilet flushing, and a man returns to his mate in front of the TV to watch the rest? …4-3-2-1- Happy New Year!

Have you stopped to think that he never washed his hands? Now all of you Monk fans out there know this, but for the rest of you complacent people, do you know that 30% of men do not wash their hands after going to the bathroom?

I don’t know the stats for women, but I have done considerable, statistically significant sampling to conclude that 1/3 of the men you shake hands with had previously shaken hands with their own toto. How about them wieners!

So why do I bring this up in a blog about Cuba?

Only because anecdotal evidence seems to indicate that Cuba’s incidence of penis-tainted hands is close to 95%.

How do I know this? Easy. It is very rare to find a public restroom in Cuba with running water and soap and towels. You may find many with running water, some where an attendant attempts to sell you a napkin or a couple of sheets of toilet tissue, and rarely, very rarely, will you find one with soap. But never, ever one with all three.

And no, it wasn’t like this when Meyer was running the show.

Adrian, I hear they are running a special on trips to Cuba. What, you are not interested?

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Integrity - Integridad: ¿Existe la palabra en el diccionario en Cuba?

Integrity

It would be nearly impossible to visit Cuba for 120 days or more in 11 trips during the last three years and not learn something about how life on the island has been altered in the last 4 decades.

What first comes to mind is how the Cuban mentality, mores and integrity, have changed since I left the Island in 1958. Perhaps I am more aware of this change than Cubans who have lived in other Latin American countries all these years instead of the United States.

Cubans have lost their ethical bearings. It has become an un-principled society.

A couple of days ago, a young Cuban lawyer (32 years old) who has lived in the U.S. five years, and who I have come to otherwise respect, said something which confirmed my conclusion.

“Business is one thing and integrity is another”… it doesn’t translate well as she said it in Spanish, but her message was clear: “You can't let integrity interfere with business”

Did I hear correctly?

Twenty years growing up in the company which many called for years “America’s most admired corporation” taught me differently. Integrity is integrity; in all you do.

How can anyone “put integrity aside” while conducting business? I guess some do, and they are likely to end up in prison. Of course, my friend is a lawyer, which in itself means she has either learned how to make a living without having one ounce of remorse regardless of what she does, or she has it in her genes and therefore she became a lawyer.

And before my honest lawyer friends raise a stink, you know darn well I am not referring to you and that a large number of your colleagues fit that mold. Read the results of any survey on the subject.

But in this case, I am quite sure it was the “Cuban” in her and not the lawyer who spoke.

“You can’t let integrity interfere with business”

I still can’t believe it.

For those of you who have never been there, or those of you who left Cuba ions ago and have never been back, and particularly for those of you who travel there frequently on business and have no idea of what is happening around you (yes, that's right, you don't have a clue), be alert! Cubans will not even blink when they cheat or make absurd demands or make-up the most incredible story in order to get their hands into your pockets.

And for those planning for the "reconstruction of a free Cuba", my advise is this: Before the bulldozers begin working, before a new constitution is written, before free elections are planned, a massive re-culturization effort must be undertaken or nothing will take hold. Cubans have to re-learn the meaning of honesty and integrity.

Cubans, if left to their own devices, will devour each other guided by the law of the jungle, where only the strongest will prevail.

It is a sad and scary prospect.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The Spirit of Meyer Lansky©

In the mid 1950s $3 million dollars were deposited in a numbered bank account of Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista as down payment for a deal that assured him 50% of the profits of legal gambling in Cuba. The architect and negotiator for the agreement was Meyer Lansky, the “Little Man” of the US organized crime syndicate. From that point on he had Batista and Cuban authorities “eating out of his hand” and was able to turn gambling profits from Cuba into the mafia’s principal source of income.

Lansky’s bribing the Cuban government at the highest level, and therefore subverting the rule of law in Cuba became the most grotesque illustration of Cubans kowtowing to the americanos (the term gringo is not commonly used in Cuba), although it was not the sole example. Americans’ sense of superiority was evident in the influence that US ambassadors had on Cuban affairs, in the condescending way US citizens on the island treated their Cuban hosts, and in the way tourists disregarded manners and decorum they most surely showed in their own home towns. The most offensive example of Americans’ obnoxious behavior and Cuba’s tolerance of it was the photo of the sailor in full US Navy uniform, peeing on the statute of José Martí, the Republic’s most revered founding father.

Fast forward to 2004 and a similar scenario is already developing despite the much publicized hostility towards the United States, the ‘battle of ideas’ that Cuban government rhetoric promotes, and its claims of total independence from any foreign influence.

The spirit of Meyer Lansky is alive and well in Havana.

You can see it in the behavior of American businessmen visiting Cuba. Clearly, the visible vulgarity of Italian, Mexican and Spanish visitors overshadows that of Americans, just based on sheer numbers. But not to be excelled, US visitors can be seen in situations they would most likely avoid if they were at home.

The sight of a European or Latin American male visitor with a jinetera (Cuba’s euphemism for whore) in expensive stores and in fancy restaurants is commonplace in Cuba. It is offensive to most Cubans (whether visiting or living on the island), but it doesn’t seem to offend government officials, who at the very highest level, have bragged that “Cuba has the most educated prostitutes”.

Just like in the fifties, when US tourists and sailors did their best to represent their country badly while insulting Cubans, the Ugly American has landed on Cuban shores.

While at one of Havana’s better paladares (moniker for a privately owned restaurant, as opposed to the unbelievably bad government-owned ones) one night, a gang of four or five American participants at the Havana Fair arrived with their dates in tow. These were girls who manned the Americans’ booths during the day and who doubled as escorts in the evening. The ensuing scene begged the question: Were these guys so horny that they couldn’t wait until they got to their rooms to start the ass grabbing and groping? For Pete’s sake, they were at a respectable restaurant! It was later said they continued their “show” at the gardens at the El Nacional, Havana’s most fashionable hotel. Would they have behaved the same way had they been back home in Tampa?

But distasteful behavior is a two way street, and Cubans can be particularly good at it.

Clearly, the award for the most notorious American ass kisser goes to Alimport’s president Pedro Alvarez. (Note that in the previous sentence, the word American modifies ‘ass’, and not ‘ass kisser’.) Whether it is with a Cuban abrazo, a bottle of ‘Havana Club 15 Años’ and a box of Cohibas, or by laying it thick with accolades on certain American visitors, Pedro has shown exquisite technique in the art of debasing oneself. But his art is reserved for only a few Americans worthy of such rear-end treatment. These are the top dogs of major American companies selling their wares to Cuba, and politicians and assorted public servants who Cuba believes can promote their interests with the U.S. Congress and U.S. public opinion in general. And then again, some of these, specially drunk, female U.S. elected officials may get a real ass grabbing, as rumors have it took place during the April 2004 negotiations event.

For “lesser” Americans, particularly Cuban-Americans, he is particularly adept in showing a very cold shoulder.

Kowtowing doesn’t stop with Pedro, of course. During the recent Feria de la Habana one of Alimport’s directors was heard saying he was very irritated with the chief of Cuba’s veterinary inspection services because “he lied to me in front of an American”. And it sounded so natural when he said it! He really felt offended not because the man had lied to him, but because he had done it in front of an American!

The truth is that Castro is a failure and he needs Ghostbusters. For as much as he has claimed Cuba no longer suffers its ills of the fifties, for all his ranting and raving against the US, the ghost of Meyer Lansky reincarnated many times over has come back to haunt him.

Yes, the spirit of Meyer Lansky is alive and well in Havana.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Demasiada cubanía

¿Por qué tanta cubanía?, me preguntó el amigo de más de 5 décadas y vecino de la niñez.

Porque nací en la calle 19 entre 10 y 12 en el Vedado; porque eso está en Cuba.

No lo entendió. Un ejemplo más de las diferencias entre cubanos, asi sean de "allá" o de cualquier rincón del planeta a donde nos ha llevado la diáspora.

¿Sabías que liberaron a Raúl Rivero?, le dije.

¿Y quien es ese?, respondió.

Bueno, no tenemos remedio.


Sunday, November 28, 2004

Aguacates (or Avocados... if you prefer to read it in English)

¡Sí, Nosotros no Tenemos Aguacates! ©
(para ser leído al compás de http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/bananas.htm)

Aproveché la oportunidad durante mi visita a La Feria de la Habana para llevar a mi familia cubana a un restaurante del estado donde el espectáculo incluía un cómico bien conocido.

El camarero joven – parecía no tener más de 16 años – tomó nuestra orden de bistec de puerco, y ofreció los acompañantes: arroz congrí, ensalada, y algo poco usual, “Pellis”, el término usado en Cuba para unos saladitos de queso, que en Estados Unidos llamamos “cheese puffs”.

No muy entusiasmado con esas opciones, le pedí una ensalada de aguacate. “No, no tenemos ensalada de aguacate”.

¿Y qué ensalada ofrece usted?, pregunté.

“Tomates, habichuelas, col y aguacate”.

¿Pero no dijo usted no tenía aguacates?

“No tenemos suficiente, así que lo ofrecemos como parte de una ensalada mixta’”.

Bien, me traígame una ensalada mixta de tomate y aguacate.

“No, no podemos”

¿Cómo que no puede? Y en mi mejor imitación de Jack Nicholson le dije: Tome el plato de ensalada, quite la col, quite las habichuelas y me trae lo demás.

“No, podemos hace eso. ¿Quiere usted hablar con el capitán?” ?

El jefe de comedor, de mediana edad, apareció y repetí mi pedido. Esta vez el guión de Five Easy Pieces fluyó naturalmente: Tome el plato de ensalada, quite la col, quite las habichuelas y me da los tomates y el aguacate.

“No, podemos hace eso”, el Capitán dijo. “No tenemos suficientes aguacates, así que si le damos una ensalada de aguacate, no tendríamos para otros clientes que pudieran querer una ensalada.”

Para entonces hasta mi primo, militante del Partido, comunista hasta la médula, no pudo contenerse. “Quizás usted no entiende”, y señalando hacia mí dijo, “El es el cliente y él está pagando por su comida. ¿No cree que él debería poder pedir cualquier cosa por la cual él esté dispuesto a pagar? “

La esposa de mi primo, quien como él es una partidaria ferviente de La Revolución, se le unió: “¿Por qué no le da la ensalada de aguacate ya que él está aquí ahora, y si se acaba, el que llegue luego puede comer lo que tengan disponible entonces.”

A estas alturas, yo ya ni pensaba en los aguacates. Estaba más interesado en observar como salían a relucir los instintos capitalistas y de libre mercado en mi primo y su esposa, en contraste con el absurdo razonamiento socialista del Capitán. A fin de cuentas, mi primo y yo venimos de las mismas raíces asturianas, quienes junto con los gallegos desarrollaron el comercio en Cuba a principios del Siglo XX. De repente me dí cuenta de cómo este episodio de ensalada de aguacate caracterizaba la mentalidad incomprensible con la que me tenía que encarar al negociar con compradores cubanos la venta de productos alimenticios que represento.

“Imposible; no podemos hace eso”, dijo que el Capitán orgulloso de haber seguido ‘las normas’, y se marchó.

De más está decir que no comí ensalada.

Más tarde esa noche, cuando regresaba del baño, mi primo comentó: “Pasé por una mesa donde un hombre había terminado de comer su ensalada… todo menos los aguacates.”

¡Qué Dios los bendiga!


Yes, We Have No Avocados! ©
(to be read to the tune of http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/bananas.htm)

I was taking a sojourn during my visit to La Feria de la Habana to take my Cuban family to a government owned restaurant, which included a floorshow by a well known stand-up comedian.

The young waiter -- he looked not one day past 16-- took our order for pork steak, and offered the available side dishes: congrí rice, salad, and an unusual choice, “Pellis”, the trademark-turned-generic term for ‘cheese puffs’.

Not enthralled with the choices, I asked about an avocado salad. “No, no avocado salad”.

So what salad do you offer? I asked.

“Tomatoes, green beans, cabbage and avocado”.

I thought you said you did not have avocados.

“We don’t have enough, so we offer it as part of a ‘mixed salad’”.

Well, bring me a mixe tomato and avocado salad.

“No, we can’t”

What do you mean you can’t? And in my best Jack Nicholson form told him: Take the salad plate, remove the cabbage, remove the green beans and bring me the rest.

“No, we can’t do that. Do you want to talk with the captain?”

The middle-aged headwaiter showed up and I repeated my request. By now the Five Easy Pieces script just flowed naturally: Take the salad plate, hold the cabbage, hold the green beans and give me the tomatoes and the avocado.

“No, we can’t do that”, the Captain said. “We don’t have enough avocados, so if we give you an avocado salad, we may not have enough for other customers who may want a salad.”

At this point, even my die-in-the-wool, card-holding, Communist Party Member cousin couldn’t contain himself. “Maybe you don’t understand”, he said pointing at me. “This is the customer and he is paying for his meal. Don’t you think he should get whatever he is willing to pay for? “

My cousin’s wife, who like him is a blind follower of The Revolution, chimed in: “Why can’t you give him the avocado salad since he is here now, and if you run out, just tell others who may come later you don’t have any, and they can have whatever salad greens you have available.”

By this time, rather than thinking about avocados, I was more interested in watching the free market instincts in my cousin and his wife come out naturally in contrast to the Captain’s absurd communist reasoning. After all, both my cousin and I come from the same Asturiano stock, who along with the Gallegos built the Cuban commerce foundation in early 20th century. All of a sudden I realized how much this avocado salad episode characterized the bizarre mentality I was faced with when negotiating with Cuban buyers for the products my company offers.

“Impossible; we can’t do that”, said the Captain proud to have followed the ‘norms’, and walked away.

I never got my salad.

Later that night, as he returned from a trip to the men’s room, my cousin said: “I walked past a table where a man had finished eating his salad… all except the avocados.”

God bless them!